I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize