So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
