You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
