so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
