I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
