She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
