i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
