She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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