it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
