really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
