in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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