I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A bitchslap is in order.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
