Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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