We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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