i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
