end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize