whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drunk is a universal language darling
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
