Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
