He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
