that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
