i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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