All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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