Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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