Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
