i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
