I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize