Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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