He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
