you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
