So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
