The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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