So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will pee on everything he values.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
