I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
