i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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