When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
