I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize