yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
