So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
