I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
