Im at strip club and am horny
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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