My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
