So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
