brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
