it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
