My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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