Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
