shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
