Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
