You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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