So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
