Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
