I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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