i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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