so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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