WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
