Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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