She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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