He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
