girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
