So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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