She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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