I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just sent this text using only my big toe
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
