Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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